Keep On Rich Rollin

KEEP ON RICH ROLLIN’ #18

3-15-13

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of control and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” – Dr. Martin Luther King JR

I live my life inside prison. It is odd to really just run it through my mind. It is even more odd because it ain’t even that bad. 

Today is a Friday and it is about 11pm as I write this chronicle of my life, this reminder of my life. I got my radio turned up loud and I’m in an exceedingly good mood. I haven’t written in a while, for no real reason other than the days here just blend into each other, so at times months feel like days… although the same kand be said in reverse. There is a patience that a person develops in prison that is completely unique to this environment. How one can truly become content living inside an 8x10 cell for days, weeks, months.

You learn to rely heavily on a routine that you follow to the exact minute, day after day and for some, year after year. You plan time out for things people might normally think mad. For instance one may wax their cell floor everyday from 10-11am, then at 11-12 do pushups, then take 25 minutes for lunch and clean, then 1 hour and 10 minutes to practice sketching, then an hour for sit ups and jumping jacks. 

By creating a busy schedule (what we refer to as “program”) you can make time tick by faster than you’d imagine.

These past few weeks have been going by even faster for me for another reason. One of my closest friends “L-Macc” is going home in a few weeks and although I’m happy to see him be released, it is also a bit sad to lose a friend. It is difficult to try and explain the type of bond that is formed in a place where being friends with someone means that you’re also taking on a certain amount of responsibility for that individual. When you may be called to defend that person at a moments notice and vice-versa. It is similar to what I imagine soldiers share in war. Only this is a different kind of battle. A place where every action is based on respect and there is an invisible line you must always pay attention to and a tight rope one must walk. So the few friends that a person does have become very valued, or at least that is the case for me. So for that reason I’m going to miss having a friend around that I was able to relax a little bit with. I’m gonna miss the motha’ fucka’! Dirt Gang! Dirt Gang! Dirt Gant! Haha 

So I will just keep on doing what I’m doing and laughing this whole scenario off. This whole justice, prison and legal system is such a joke that it all just seems absurd. A few days ago one of the guards even made a comment about what C.D.C.R. means (the true meaning is California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation) since it is written on our clothes – pants, jackets, shirts. He says what it really should stand for is California Department of Corruption and Retaliation.

I sometimes just laugh because I can’t believe that people really take our legal system seriously. I mean really? Come on people. You really can’t buy into this can you? 

Shit. To be completely honest, I don’t really give a fuck if ya do or not. It is your choice to make.

If you’re reading this and you’re wondering what I’m up to right then, I can’t tell ya! Haha! But if you’re wondering what I’m doing at around 2pm on any given day you can be pretty confident that I’m walking laps on the yard with my homies, laughing, talking shit and drinking coffee… talking about when it will be our time to go home. But until that day, I’m gonna just KEEP ON RICH ROLLIN’!

-         D. Dart 

A quote to think about: “In the Soviet Army it takes more courage to retreat than to advance.” – Joseph Stalin

A song for this entry: It has nothing to do with this entry but I just think it is a beautiful song, and sometimes that has everything to do with everything.

Artist: Chrisette Michelle
Song: Best Of Me

KEEP ON RICH ROLLIN’ #17

2-5-13

“Lord make me pure, but not yet” – St. Augustine

I find myself in a moral dilemma. 

I feel like we are all a bit lost.

Today I spent the day with my friends, walking laps and telling jokes underneath a guntower, behind miles of barbwire. My friends ands I are “lawbreakers, criminals, throw-aways” and the such, but none the less many of us are not “bad people”. 

Today I read the Wall Street Journal. I read about a great nation, the United States Of America, piling up a massive national debt and how our counterparts, the European Union are going broke having to bailout a handful of other members. So is it any surprise that the rest of us can’t avoid going into debt? Is something fundamentally wrong with our society? Is it not only that we are following the example that is being set?

I read about a Michigan State Supreme Court Justice being charged with corruption and resigning after pleading guilty to fraud. Yet they face no jail time, which I find odd. Should someone in such a position not be held to a higher standard? I feel like they should do double or triple… they are the ones that set the reality of justice, yet they have complete disregard… odd. 

I find myself in a moral dilemma.

I feel like we are all a bit lost. 

I see an Archbishop of the Catholic Church stripped of his position after covering up hundreds (HUNDREDS!!!) of instances of sexual misconduct on kids over 20 years, yet he is the man that “god” has deemed the guide for our eternal soul. This is the same person that says gay marriage is an abomination (wow).

These are the moral dilemmas I think about everyday as I have lunch with my fellow “criminals”. 

Why do we live in a society that condemns gang violence, yet does not condemn the circumstances and poverty that breed it?

Why if a District Attorney coaches a witness or falsifies evidence is it not punishable with prison time? Why is it only a mistrial at best? Why don’t they make the Attorneys do the time they are seeking for the defendant? Why is it that there is no self defense law in California, so if you kill someone in self-defense you still face Manslaughter charges by law, yet members of local police forces regularly shoot people and claim “self-defense”? How can a police officer claim self defense but a private citizen cannot? 

I find myself in a moral dilemma.

I am not sorry for the circumstances that brought me here. What I am sorry for is that I am part of a society that allows such things to transpire.

I feel like we are all a bit lost.

And if not lost, then at least a bit confused. 

At least I know I am.

This is just a little something to think about… and always remember, sometimes we just gotta keep ON RICH ROLLIN! 

-         D. DART

Song for this diary…

Artist: MEEK MILL
Song: IN GOD WE TRUST

P.S. – I always love to hear your thoughts or even just a quick hello is most appreciated, so if you have the chance, feel free to write me at: 

Daniel Dart Richert #AL2076

C.M.C. West Prison

P.O. Box 8103

SLO, CA 93403

KEEP ON RICH ROLLIN’ #16
1-25-13

 “It ain’t hard to look behind you an’ see mistakes.” – Larry McMurtry (American writer & Pulitzer Prize winner (from his novel Horseman, Pass By)

 Another day passes and although it shows the signs of being a day just like the one before; it is not. Everything has changed and will forever be changed.

I woke up this morning and made a cup of coffee, walked some laps outside on the track and brought it back inside to read the paper. My new daily routine involves setting aside one to two ours per day, in the morning, to read the Wall Street Journal. It is part of my “education” for lack of better terms, and I look forward to it eagerly with every day.

Today seemed to be the same but I was wrong. Today had something completely else in store.

I have a bunkmate named Billy. He sleeps on the lower rack and I sleep on the upper rack. He is what we often refer to here as “good people.” He works in the machine shop here in the prison and is known as one of the nicest guys on the yard. He is 49 years old and he has been here about 5 years, he only has about 6 months left. I’ve been bunkies with him now for about 6^th months myself and I couldn’t ask for a better guy to live with, and since he has a son and daughter about my same age, we often joke around and I call him dad and he calls me “son”. He actually just found out a few weeks ago that his first grandchild was recently born, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone more proud. I can go on and on but the point I’m trying to make is that Billy is a good solid guy, and just an all around good fellow. So with that being said I’ll get to the next stage of this story.

A few months back Billy noticed some blood in his urine. It is kind of a scary thing for anyone, and like anyone else he went to see a doctor. Well the doctor here ordered some tests done and it turned out Billy had some tumors on his bladder.

 Things here got a bit more scary. I have never been good at saying the right and compassionate thing at a time like that, but I can say it was really hard just seeing a friend learn he has tumors, so I can’t even begin to imagine what he felt like, bu ti know it must not have been easy.

So the doctors order a surgery so that they can go inside and see what is really going on, so they can tell if they are cancerous, and if so, how bad of a situation he could be in.

Well last week they call Billy out and cut him open, take out a piece to do a biopsy and tell him they will know more about where everything stands in about a week or so. Once they get back the results they will call him in and figure out what the next step will be.

Well today was the day he got his results.

At around noon as I’m sitting at our bunk drinking my coffee and reading the Wall Street Journal, my Bunkie gets back from the hospital to me and some of the other fellas eager inquiries of “Well, you got your results? It’s all good right?” What we heard next was exactly what we didn’t want to hear.

My bunkie has the worst kind of high risk bladder cancer that is possible, and since it is in the bladder it is impossible to do chemotherapy. It is very, very serious and highly likely that they may have to do a bladder transplant / removal procedure. It is very risky and very dangerous. It is not looking good.

He tells me that when he is told, the first question he asks the doctor is “I just had a grandkid, I got 6 months left, till I get out, will I make it?” To which the doctor just sighed and put his face in his hands.

It is not looking good.

I didn’t know how to respond, what do you say to someone who has just received such news? When you can’t say “this too shall pass” or “it’s all gonna be fine, just be patient” or “someday we’ll look back on this and laugh”. It turns out that the moment was just as difficult for him as it was for me and I just let him know that I’m here for him if there is anything I can do.

But he obviously is somewhere else inside his head and he turns to me and says to me “Do you know what the craziest thing is? Everything is brighter, everything is more alive.” He tells me how the grass seems greener, every leaf on every tree seems to blow beautifully, the sky is the most majestic blue he’s ever seen. Everything is so vivid, everything is so amazing.

Everything is just alive.

When I woke up this morning I had no idea that something like this would happen. I had my own little world with my own selfish petty little problems. As I got to sleep tonight I think only of how grateful I am for today. How grateful I am for my health and I just reflect on how fragile life can really be. Nothing is every guaranteed and we gotta be thankful for all we have today. We all have wreckage in our past, we’ve all hurt others and we’ve all been hurt ourselves, we can’t control our past, we can only do what is necessary now so we don’t make those same mistakes again. In my bunkie Billy I have a good friend. Regardless of us being in prison or how we came to be here, his crime in the past for mine, I respect him as much or more as anyone I ever met. Tonight when I go to sleep I’m going to do something I don’t often do, and that is pray. I’m gonna pray for Billy, pray for myself and my friends and family, and I’m even going to pray for my enemies, whomever they may be. A little help never hurt anyone.

Until next time, KEEP ON RICH ROLLIN’
-         D Dart

Song for this diary:
Artist: Simon & Garfunkel
Song: Sounds of Silence

KEEP ON RICH ROLLIN’ #15

1-11-13

“Any damn fool can bet up some job; it takes a wise man to make it without working. Out here we call it ‘hustling.’ I’d like to be a good hustler.” – Charles Bukowski (American writer & poet) – Except from his novel “Post Office”

When I get released and I go to apply for a job, how should I fill out the application? When it says “have you ever been convicted of a felony, if so please explain.” 

Do I write, well I took for years for kidnap/robbery/carjacking with an assault, but I actually didn’t kidnap anyone, my lawyer just told me to plead to it because I would receive ½ the time? Then do I mention in fact I have to do 85% instead of 50% because my lawyer wasn’t aware of the 3 strikes and penal code 667.5? (Although this legislation which decides which cases serve 85% and also what crimes carry a strike is widely considered the most important criminal legislation in the last 100 years). Do I explain to my possible employer that my laywer told me that he knows I could beat the charge in trial but that he thought I should take it anyways, cuz “ya never know.” I asked why we don’t plea to a lesser charge, something that was realistic, and he said “it is all the same as long as you get 50% why do you care?” He didn’t explain the fact that getting a job with “kidnapping” on my record would be significantly worse than “grand theft auto with a prior.” He actually acted surprised when I arrived in prison and was told I had to do 85% (he had not even looked at sentencing guidelines). His reaction was, at least we beat a street gang allegation. But wait; now I gotta do an extra year and you said I’d get half time. His response, “Oh, you’re young, a year will fly by.”

That was the man that held my life in his hands. 

I am reminded everyday that I got a really, really bad deal. For a case with circumstances such as mine, people are astounded with the outcome. And it is a really hard thing to cope with. Now I’ve learned that it is better to have a murder on your record than a kidnap-robbery. How is it that a lawyer can go to sleep at night pleading his client out to something that he agreed his client did not do? Where is the morality in that? How is it I had a lawyer that did not even know of sentencing guidelines established almost 20 years ago?

This is my life. 

I cannot go back in time and undo what has been done. I don’t have that power. When I get out of here next year will this ever return to the way they were before? No.

Things will never be the same.

I will forever have to lie on a job application. :) 

I will get out and make music. I will be recording a new Time Again record immediately upon release. I have also begun work on a new project with DJ Pone of the Transplants, I look forward to releasing, however it is unlike anything I have done before. I have been writing constantly for it but as yet it is still unnamed, next time he visits we might nail one down but who knows. We have ample time, haha. I do my best to stay up to date on recording and studio gear so I have the option to go back to producing, which I am very likely going to do and for that I am very grateful. I am just now, more than ever, forced to succeed in a non-conventional way. I will have to find a way to make things work, I will forever be playing against a stacked deck and that is the frustrating part. My lawyer significantly stacked the deck against me; more than it should have been and that brings me a lot of sadness and hurt. The trust was totally abused and violated.

Would I be able to get a 9-5? Or will I in a sense be forced to “hustle”?

Things always seem easier on the outside looking in (watching Mike Tyson fighting on TV is a lot different than getting into the ring with him). What if I can’t or couldn’t make music but society at large ostracizes me? What if the rest of the fellas I live with inside these walls and I can’t get the second chance because we can’t pass a background check? I don’t know what it is going to be like. I have no idea how people will respond. I just know that when I think about it today I am overwhelmed. It is hard to think about and impossible to not think about. Like a fella said today, our release dates become our new birth dates, but counting down instead of up. Looked forward to all year long and celebrated just as readily. We’re happy to see the days fly by, but nervous none the less.

Just something to think about  while you’re out there hustling.

‘Till next time… KEEP ON RICH ROLLIN’!

                                 The unemployed, but still inspired,                                                            Daniel DART

Song for this diary: Welcome To The Jungle

Artist: Kanye West & Jay Z

Send me a letter, I love hearing from all of you!

Daniel Dart Richert #AL2076

C.M.C. West 1-24up

P.O. Box 8103

SLO, CA 93403

KEEP ON RICH ROLLIN’ #14

1-2-13 

“I gave myself a start, by giving myself a start.” – Madam C.J. Walker (first black millionaire and cosmetics magnate)

So I guess I should start by saying “Happy New Years”, even though I’m writing this a few days after the fact and by the time you read this, it may be weeks since we all entered into this year of 2013. So with all of that aside… Happy New Years.

This New Years is the second year in a row I’ve been incarcerated and 2012 marks the first complete calendar year I spent as the property of the people of California. It is kind of stranger to think about it; I am truly under the ownership of the state. We literally, for all intents and purposes belong to the state. It is just something to think about. 

So setting that aside to ponder, let me proceed to fill ya in on my jail-house New Year’s resolutions. It is a time for reflection as well as forethought, where we all like to take an honest look at ourselves and make an evaluation on how we can improve ourselves or change something about our day-to-day living that may help someone else? Is it not the time when we ask ourselves “how can I make a better, happier, healthier, wiser person of myself?”

So that is what I am trying to do this year. 

I have thought, that although I will be spending these next 12 months in prison, how can I finish this year a more complete person or an improved person? I have the obvious ones, such as eat healthy, exercise and such. I have the spiritual ones of trying to be a positive and empathetic force that will aim to help bring peace and smiles to those around me. And to make a continuing  effort to always look at the upside of every situation and do my best to inspire those around me, but what about something a little more concrete? What about something a little more tangible? This brings me to my main resolution.

First a little background information to lead up to how I came about with my main goal for 2013. 

At the beginning of the NFL season this year a dozen of us drafted fantasy football teams and battled it out every week pouring over stats and injury reports to try and learn anything that may give us an edge on an upcoming week to trade or release players. To help us decide which players to start against which team and what defenses stop the run, what players do well in December, etc. We broke it all down. Just think, we have about as much freetime as is humanly possible. We read any and all information we can get, and working together we can gather damn near everything. We can answer pretty much any statistical question about any player, coach, team, offense, defense, you name it, one of us 12 have the answer, and now as the season is coming to a wrap, pretty much all of us can be said to have an incredible amount of knowledge of all things NFL. It is a beautiful thing, and it is what leads me to my 2013 New Year’s Resolution.

I came up with the idea around Christmas and the more I tossed it around the more I got excited about it. So I finally brought it up with a friend of  mine. I said hey, we are almost done with this Fantasy Football league and I got an idea, so I can it down to him and he quickly jumped at the concept. So we took it to some of the other fellas, they were also on board. So we are going to start a new fantasy league. A stock market fantasy league. Where each player gets a set budget of 10k and we compare growth gains and losses each week. We have been deciding the rules and so far we have some loose ideas, such as you must own at least one technology firm, one bank, one retail and one energy. How many shares of each is up to you. We are going over ideas as to how much you are forced to trade, because we want to make things a little difficult seeing as how this is a tournament in the end. We are only allowing people to buy starting at a minimum value and no “penny” stocks. And as in football we’ll have a commissioner, just as the U.S. government have the SEC (Security & Exchange Commission) that will have the power to veto any trades and as full oversight. We still have some kinks to iron out but I am sure you get the gist. 

If we have no opportunity to make ourselves better, we must create our own.

So now that I have told you my resolution for this year, what may I ask is yours? 

I watched on the television some of the festivities in New York and the mass of people partying and felt so detached. It was like looking at an alien planet, it seemed unreal. I felt a million miles away. Life has changed so drastically making me question myself, and who I will be when I leave. Will I be so different? Will I be withdrawn? Will it matter? Will I want to be in a crowd like that in Times Square? A few short years ago I would have loved it. Now just the thought of all those people gives ma anxiety. Life is amazing.

It is not only the destination we seek but the journey we take to get there that makes everyday special. 

To all the resolution makers and breakers… just remember in 2013 KEEP ON RICH ROLLIN!

Happy New Year – DART 

Song for this Diary: Swagga Like Us

Artist: T.I. and Jay-Z feat. Kanye West and Lil Wayne

KEEP ON RICH ROLLIN #13

12-16-12

“Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board. For some they come in with the tide. For others they sail forever on the horizon, never out of sight, never landing until the watcher turns his eyes away in resignation, his dreams mocked to death by time. That is the life of men. – Zora Neale Houston (American writer) from her book “Their Eyes Were Watching God”

I read once that the only way to remember your dreams was to wake up during the R.E.M. (rapid eye movement) cycle of your time sleeping, because only during this time does one dream. I am not sure if this is correct or if my recollection is off, I only know that in my life before I came to prison I very rarely remember what I dreamt about, or for that matter if I had any dreams at all while I slept. What I do know is that I remember dreaming now almost every day, and I think this may have to do with the fact that getting a full nights sleep in here is a very rare, almost impossible feat.

I wake up at least twice every night, more often than not, even more than that, which brings me to the conclusion that since I can never get through a full cycle of sleep, I find myself almost always able to recall my previous dream.

For a few weeks now I have been mulling over the idea of writing this topic but until now I have not taken the time to actually put the pen to paper. I’d like to convey my dreams of last night to you, what they mean I am not sure, nor am I sure they mean anything at all, only that they are my dreams. One night of my dreams or one part of one nights dreams last night are all that I remember.

I am running, sprinting, faster than is humanly possible. I am running like I have super human agility, yet I am not aware of being anything other than who I normally am. I am on a lake, running across the water, looking down, like  it is totally normal, I feel in no way that my running across water is against the laws of nature, nor do I feel anything religious. The weather is cool, overcast and there is a mild breeze and what was a lake is now a swamp, a marsh and I am in a race. I have no idea what kind of race I’m in and I see no other contestants, but I am fully aware I am racing other people. The marsh no walls me in tightly on both sides like a hallway and I’m running like the wind across the water and I am only wearing a loin cloth. I have no tattoos on my body and my hair hangs down to my shoulders. I am running faster than any man alive and I am loving it, I have never felt more alive or free. I suddenly cut left into the marsh and I see a beach, I am now running on the sand, the beach is massive and beyond the beach are small hills with spots of green and what appears to be a village. When I say village, I mean something you would imagine a thousand years ago. Towards the top of the beach there is a barbwire fence, but I have no idea where that came from. I look around and there are frogs all over the beach, I am worried I might step on one and I do all I can to avoid them because I like frogs. As I near the barbwire fence I jump and easily clear the 15 foot fence and keep running, not thinking anything odd about jumping a fence of that height in a single hop. I just continue running. Now it is raining lightly and the weather is dreary, sad you could say but before I can think of anything else a fireball shoots past my shoulder barely missing me. I look behind me and a wizard is gaining on me, shooting another white-orange fireball at me which I avoid with another monstrous jump. I feel no fear, only excitement as I begin to think of how to defeat this wizard…

I wake up. I climb out of bed and walk to the restroom, I relieve myself, drink some water and walk back to my bunk. I lay back down to sleep.

I’m in a shack. Maybe it is a shanty, or a cabana or bungalow. Somewhere in the South Pacific or Southeast Asia. On the beach. I’m in Vietman, on a beach. My ex-wife is with me and it is raining, it is only one room and I am about to go somewhere but I don’t know where or maybe she is about to go somewhere. I am in bed and I am waking up afraid, feeling all alone, telling her not to go and she is soothing me. She is calming me, telling me that she is right there that it will be okay and I can go back to sleep. I feel safe and content, I feel so much relief as she gives me a small smile and I again feel totally safe.

I wake up.

I have no idea what my dreams may mean nor do I ever really take the time to ponder if they mean anything at all. I only know that every night when I go to sleep I know that I will dream, and every morning when I get out of bed I will remember those dreams.

It is a happy escape from a hard time, it is a welcome distraction from the monotony of every day being the same.

Who knows what I will dream tonight.

Until our next dream, KEEP ON RICH ROLLIN!

                                                            From your fireball dodging friend – DART

Song for this diary.

Song: THE RIDDLE

Artist: FIVE FOR FIGHTING

KEEP ON RICH ROLLIN #12

12-8-12 

“There is something inherently depressing about jail… because it shuts off the world. It leaves one caught in the dull monotony of sameness. It is almost like being dead while one still lives.” – Martin Luther King, JR (from his autobiography)

This afternoon as I was making myself my daily cup of coffee I was having a conversation with a friend of mine we refer to affectionately by the name of Grady… because of his resemblance to the character of the same name on the old hit TV series Sanford & Son. Now Grady and I are chatting and he is telling me of his millions of jokes, and when I say he has a million jokes, this is truly not much of an exaggeration, for it seems as though he is always coming up with new ways to make fellas laugh. He also may be the oldest guy on the yard, though he never seriously answers questions as to his actual age, if I were to guess I would say he is in his mid to late seventies… the guy is pure comedy gold, telling great stories about the 50’s when he was a young man working as an elevator operator as well as a shipping and receiving clerk and some of his wild nights and adventures in a time so long ago… They always start and end with laughter, he can make the biggest problems seem trivial.

That being said, let me return to this morning, Grady and I are talking and he asks me, “how much time do you got left?” and when I tell him a few years, he looks at me solemnly and sighs, replying, “that’s a long time, I’m sorry to hear that.” I then take a moment and then agree with him, because to me it really does feel like an eternity. There are nights I can’t even sleep because of the thoughts that run through my head. I feel as though I’m stuck in a no man’s land where I’m wandering through a desert with no oasis in sight… totally lost.

Lost in my reverie, I hear Grady say, “it’s okay, you’ll make it. I made it and so can you.” And if anybody knows… it is Grady because he himself was sentenced to serve a term of 7 years to life.

That was 40 years ago.

Yes… he has been in prison for the last 40 years.

Now I know that I’ve written before about old timers and fellas doing heavy terms, and I can assure you that in the future I’ll br writing about them again and again, because there is so much we can learn from them, or at least I believe there is.

Sometimes we gotta laugh when what we really wanna do is cry.

We must never forget the power of laughter and the uniting qualities of humor.

We must never forget the power of a smile and a few kind words.

It was a wise man that said ‘If you can’t make things better, then just try not to make them worse.’

These are the things that are sometimes really hard to remember and put into practice, especially for me, living inside this prison. I have to always be conscious of my surroundings and the volatility of this place. But, I must never let it be the defining element of how I am and who I will become.

Having a friend like Grady, I am reminded daily of the undeniable and unbelievable resilience and strength of the human spirit.

I have really begun my journey of really loving myself and respecting myself. I am not saying this in an egotistical or arrogant way by any means. I am expressing it with a beauty and elegance of my inner dialogue. Because everyday is the same here, it can drive a man stark-raving mad if you let it and sadly there are many that do break. I am grateful that as of yet I am not one of them, and for this I have many people to thank, Grady for one and myself as well. Grady explained it to me with an ease of age and wisdom that very few can ever match, for here is a man that simply refuses to lose faith and hope. He is a man that taught me a very valuable lesson, one that every man, woman and child should learn. That is…

Do not ever underestimate yourself.

Don’t ever underestimate the human spirit.

It is not the hope that I can survive… it is the fact that I will survive.

And so can we all… Grady has proven the fact that when you have no one else, it is still okay, because you’ve still got yourself. And if you learn to be happy with that, then you can make it through whatever life can hit you with. When you got that self happiness as Grady explains, everything is easier, because then you always got your best friend and your biggest supporter with you… yourself.

Think about it, what do you need to be happy? What is REALLY important in your personal universe? What is it that you value?

I value having a friend like Grady.

I value myself… and for today, that is more than enough.

Until next time, KEEP ON RICH ROLLIN.

                                                From me, myself and I – DART

Song for this diary…

Artist: DAVID GUETTA
Song: TITANIUM ft. SIA

Write to me:

Daniel Dart Richert #AL2076

C.M.L. West Prison

P.O. Box 8103

San Luis Obispo, CA 93403

KEEP ON RICH ROLLIN’ #11

11/23/12

“What is past is prologue.” – Inscription at Washington DC museum.

So here I am… another day. For you. For me. For us both. The “holidays” are here and soon the new year will be among us. The sooner the better for all of us inside these walls, the faster time goes for us the happier we are. It’s odd if you think about it, most people want more time in a day, but we want less… hmmmm.

Thanksgiving here was a day just like all the others, the only difference was they served dinner at around noon and then locked us down at 3pm to have a pot-luck for the guards (your tax money hard at work, paying guards triple time to throw a pot-luck.). We got some mashed potatoes, processed turkey-ham, a scoop of yams and a bread roll. For desert we had some surgar-free grape kool-aid. It wasn’t much if you’re used to having big meals on Thanksgiving, but the truth is that it was a lot more than other people get out there. A lot of guys in here complain about us not having some massive meal, but I can’t do it. I’ve personally spent too many Thanksgivings alone, and had more than a few hungry ones. So if you’re curious if I had an alright thanks giving, the answer is it wasn’t too bad. It wasn’t the best by any means, but it was a lot better than some I’ve had before and for that I’m grateful. And looking to next year’s Thanksgiving, I can already see myself being in a good mood, because I’ll know that I’m that much closer to going home. That much closer to spending the holidays where I choose, that much closer to being out there with you.

In other news, I’m holding up alright… I have my good days and bad days. We’re so cut off that at times it’s a real struggle. Mail is by far the most looked forward to thing in here. And when someone in here is hoping for a letter from a loved one, and it never comes it is tough. I see it far too often in my friends eyes, the sadness and loneliness that you can’t help but wear on your sleeve when day after day, week after week you hope for a letter that never comes. Not only have I seen it on my friends faces, but I’ve seen it on my own sometimes when I look in the mirror. It really makes you think and thinking can sometimes be the worst part. When you are lying in bed and ya can’t get to sleep and your demons take over, sometimes you just don’t want to think. Some days you just wanna crawl into a hole and shut off the world.

Those are the hardest times, those are the moonless nights. So I gotta constantly remind myself that it’s on the darkest nights that the stars shine the brightest and it is always the darkest right before the sun  begins to rise… before a new day begins.

So from this darkest of nights I say to you, hold on till morning, and until then KEEP ON RICH ROLLIN.

                                                                        From a stargazer – DART

Song for this diary:
Artist: RIHANNA
Title: WE ALL WANT LOVE

 

Write to me:

Daniel Dart Richert #AL2076
C.M.L. West Prison
P.O. Box 8103
San Luis Obispo, CA 93403

KEEP ON RICH ROLLIN’ #10

11-5-12 

“Time waits for no one.” – Unknown

I live inside a vacuum. To me, the world halted the night I got arrested. September 2, 2011. I still look at life the way it was almost 2 years ago. In essence, I am being left behind. Life goes on for the rest of the world, while I and so many others struggle with the process of being cutoff from modern evolution. For instance, I have absolutely no idea what Instagram is. To me, it does not exist.

This is just one example of how our world is nothing but a shadow cast off by the real world, the world outside of these walls.

We became distant memories to people that meant the world to us. We became forgotten lovers and used-tobe’s and remember him’s? We become irrelevant. We become the scapegoat to peoples problems, our incarceration the only proof needed to justify the belief that we are the cause for others problems, we are the reason they suffer. We have become the excuse. Just as so many people blame the government for their struggles. Never stopping to look at themselves or their own personal lackings. Now don’t get me wrong, there are many things that I myself have not been perfect in, just as there are many mistakes our government has made, yet like I have said so many times before, it takes two halves to make a whole.

Now before I get totally off topic, let me return to the beginning, which is how the world I once knew no longer exists.

They say so often that the world we live in is based around computers, yet in prison there are none. No training what so ever having to do with computers.

To give you an example of how far removed from society a prisoner in California is I’ll tell you about a conversation I recently had. It was with a friend of mine who has been in prison for 31 years but will most likely be paroling relatively soon. We were walking around the track one morning and he said he wanted to speak to me about something but could we keep it between ourselves. Now being in prison, this can sometimes be a bad thing because sometimes just a simple conversation can involve you in something that you really didn’t want to be involved in. So I took a minute and thought about it before saying, sure, what’s on your mind.

Well he gets all quiet and secretive, speaking in a whisper and softly asks me, “what is telemarketing?”

I’d like to tell you that my response was empathetic and sensitive, but it wasn’t. I began howling with laughter, asking, is that what you wanted to talk about? He had made it out to be some heavy conversation that was of dire importance… and it turns out it was exactly that. It was a question of the utmost importance. Because it was a the question of, how can we stay relevant in a society that has forgotten us? How do we prepare ourselves to reintegrate into a world and become a productive, contributing factor when we are unable to get the tools and information to do so? This is a question I don’t have an answer to, although I really wish I did.

So after I had a good laugh at my buddies expense I brought him up to speed on telemarketing and call centers and we went on to discuss other new developments such as ATM machines, Bluetooth and we moved on to me explaining to him that there are even cars out there that no longer use keys, only a computer chip that you carry in your pocket. It was a conversation of the likes I’ve never known before and may never know again. It was a surreal feeling. Like speaking to someone on a time machine, until I realized it was exactly that, and that is what I too have become, because when I told him at the end of the conversation that I’d be more than happy to answer any other questions he may have, that is when I realized I too am “outdated.” I too am “out of touch.” My knowledge stopped on September 2^nd 2011. I can read all the magazines and watch the news on TV but no matter what I do doesn’t change the reality that I am on the outside looking in. The same way that someone on the outside can watch a million programs on prison, read every article about what it is like to be locked up but no matter how much they research, they’ll never truly know what goes through ones mind in prison the minute before a riot kicks off. The tension that can invade your bones and make the air you breath seem on the verge of shattering like glass. Having to wear your boots or sneakers every waking moment, even to the shower, because something may jump off at anytime.

Now lets combine this with being cut off from the world and is it any surprise people have a difficult time adjusting?

When I think about my friends I think of a group of people that I spoke to often before I came to prison, now they are distant memories of a happier time. As they say, “out of sight, out of mind.” And I can honestly say that I can totally understand, because like I said earlier, life goes on.

And it does.

Like I said, we become forgotten lovers, used-to-bes and remember him’s?

So to all of my old friends and former lovers, I leave you with this…

Love like there is no tomorrow, sing like no one is listening and dance like no one is watching. Do the best you can to enjoy every moment and don’t worry about me, I will be fine, I will survive, I will… carry on.

Honor me by never looking back. Honor me  by never losing faith, by never giving up hope.

Honor me by living a happy life.

Honor me by trying your hardest to make tomorrow better than today.

Honor me by trying the best you can.

And I will honor you by trying to do the same.

So from all of the forgotten to all of the remembered, until next time… KEEP ON RICH ROLLIN.

                                                                           MAD LOVE – DANIEL DART 

Song for this diary:
Artist: FUN
Title: CARRY ON

Write to me:
Daniel Dart Richert #AL2076
C.M.L. West Prison
P.O. Box 8103
San Luis Obispo, CA 93403

KEEP ON RICH ROLLIN’ #9

10/29/12

“You talkin’ to me? Then who the hell else are you talking to? Well. I’m the only one here.” – Robert Deniro (from the film Taxi Driver)

Prison is a very lonely place.

Very rarely if ever, can a person let their guard down living in here. Or maybe existing in here is a better way to put it.

Everything you do or say is observed or listened to in some way or another. For instance when I call my girl, there is literally a guard listening to my conversation in real time. The phone booths are directly below the gun tower where a guard sits with his Mini 14 assault rifle and has our conversations on a speaker phone. Sometimes the volume is actually turned up so loud that I can hear it from the tower in a weird stereo surround sound kind of way. It is a very inhuman feeling to have guards, who in the majority treat inmates like animals, listening to your phone calls with family or loved ones. It is not uncommon for an inmate to be cut off for expressing a frustration towards staff. For instance, saying “an asshole cop”… click… snapped off. Also, I have noticed that certain officers have it so you can hear other things through the phone thus making it nearly impossible for your loved one to hear you. First off, we have to sign up for phone calls a day before and we are allowed a 15 minute phone call usually 4 times per week. The one call per day is only in the movies. Then you have your 15 minute block and you call your girl or family and they can’t hear you because the guard has the speaker phone blasted… and there excuse is safety. Let’s get real… I’m not Jon Gotti… and neither are 99% of the other inmates. But it is another psychological way to show us who is in control. Show us that we are not human. This is just one of the many ways that prison is lonely. Lonely because when I’ve had a rough or frustrating day, I can’t call my girl and just vent and tell her I love her and miss her and talk about what happened, the guards have stripped us of that.

When you realize how crooked and corrupt the system is… it only makes it lonelier… because you truly grasp the feeling of helplessness. For instance, as I write these words I feel a certain fear, what if a guard reads this diary? I assure you that brutality from staff to inmates is an all too common thing and that being said… what’s to prevent that. Will a convicted felon ever stand a chance when opposed by a correctional officer? No. Simple answer. Not at all.

So again, you must always be on your toes, you must be in a constant state of readiness… readiness to let staff disrespect you and take it. Otherwise you will lose every time. I watch it almost daily… it is something almost impossible to believe unless you are here. But what can you do? I for one don’t want the trouble. I want nothing more than to do my time and go home. Just like everyone else here. And that’s the catch, that’s where we always lose, because our position is always the losing one. It becomes easier to submit. But that does that breed in the long run? It breeds resentment which will ultimately grow into hate. And nothing good can come from hate.

I remember watching the movie Taxi Driver and the scene I quoted where Deniro is talking to himself in the mirror and it reminds me of prison. Because prison is a lonely place. In prison the only person you can fully trust is yourself. The old saying goes “I came to prison alone and I’m leaving prison alone.” I’m not saying you don’t have friends and as a matter of fact, you make friends closer than you ever thought possible… because you have to. Because prison is a lonely place.

The scene in Taxi Driver rings a bell because of myself I have a constant inner dialogue that becomes a bigger and bigger part of my life in here each day. I remind myself to remain strong and stay positive. To motivate myself and rise above my circumstances. To not let a petty situation or person dictate my mood. I talk to myself to battle the loneliness and to remind myself that I can get through this. Tomorrow is another day and a today is one day they can never make me do again.

I talk to myself to stop myself from getting angry, to stop myself from acting on impulse and to ask the question “is it really worth it? Is it?”.

If you haven’t told your loved ones today that you love them, you should do that. Because sometimes life can be a lonely place.

To all who read this, and even those who don’t… I send my love and respect.

Till next time… KEEP ON RICH ROLLIN!

-        D. DART

Song for this diary:
SONG: Till Kingdom Come
ARTIST: Coldplay